urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:muffinsprotege muffinsprotege muffinsprotege 2009-11-10T07:16:59Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:muffinsprotege:3908 2009-11-10T07:16:59Z 2009-11-10T07:16:59Z The xx Thinking i could solve my issues a little by changing environment...i wonder if it was stupid of me to think that. Of course its different, but i dont know if its better. I guess the answers are inside of me but im not ready to face them. I cant go back to where i was last year no matter how much i want to or how many tears i cry, so its better if i just keep it all in check for now, and block it away. If i ever will be able to really face responsability for it....i do not know. Maybe if things ever got that good again, i will. Which i doubt, because i cant see how circumstances could ever be even remotely similar<br />I am so numb but no one can see it. I put on this face for everyone and they think of me as this bitchy confident chick. <br />i like Mariah's latest album. Thanks, Vince. Though i dont apreciate you clogging my i-touch with Whitney's music, too. I even forgot to delete it. But memoirs is really good. <br />Havent slept again. Of course i dont make any sense. Im only writing this to get my thoughts a little into order and i just realize how much of a mess my mind is, and that my hand cant write well cause of fatigue. And still im telling others they should rest..geez. Still, i dont want anyone feeling like i am now. <br /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">Maybe it wasn't there to begin with<br />that fun, sad, and kind story.<br /><br />Maybe it was a dream or illusion.<br />Maybe I slept too long.<br /><br />In the season when I can feel<br />the smell of summer in the blue sky<br />I remember a face.<br /><br />The scenery of the city began to distort<br />I searched for sunglasses<br />so I could lose all the colors.<br /><br />What I wanted to be?<br />Not a princess.<br />What I wanted to have?<br />Not glass slippers.<br /><br />What I wanted to be?<br />I wanted to be with you.<br />What I wanted to have?<br />Was your smiling face.<br /><br />The wind and the smell of summer<br />cut through today's sky.<br />It's ok so I agreed<br />Because if it's fate like we said<br />then we can meet again somewhere.<br /><br />la la la la la la i...<br />It's ok so I agreed.<br />la la la la la la...<br />Because I'm so strong.</font><br /><br /><br />....i dont wanna talk about it<br /><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:muffinsprotege:1573 2009-07-09T10:05:28Z 2009-07-09T10:05:28Z Chicane ~autumn tactics~ So i have to think of where im gonna move at the end of august...i have no idea whats gonna happen yet, things are just so weird right now, i just cant believe so many bad things happened in such a short period of time. Nothing bad comes alone, right? well, yeah...and im so sorry for my mum's cat, he is dying and she had him for so long, i grew up with him. Ah, i feel like throwing up, im so crushed..i dont see any way out for now. <br />I have to start translating Vera's entries, this will take a long time. Its only for me and him to see, or maybe if someone else comes back, they will see it also. But 3 notebooks ^^''' i should get going, at least this task i need to finish.<br />On another note, on my last test in PR i had to make up a concert, with flyers and posters and info, a full fledged presentation and campaign, and i used Gackt. (meh, i cant get to write his name in caps, for now). I think i got my teacher and classmates shocked, i didnt plan to show much of who he is, but a girl googled him on the spot. her reaction ''this person..they are kind of porn o_O'' it was priceless. But i got them really interested in ''that unsual person'' so thats a good thing, haha. Still, they couldnt believe the ticket prices and the whole show, they kept asking if its for real. They liked Vanilla.<br />I talked to Ralf again after so long. I shouldnt have, probably. He didnt forget about me, but i dont think he understands, and im tired of pretending, i just want to rest and stop hiding my feelings. Of course, he assumed things..everyone does. I wish there were more people who could see me for who i really am, and beyond my words.<br />I went swimming at a friends pool, at 4 am. I wanna live somewhere where its warm all the time, so i could do this every night. I love swimming...<br />I'd better start translating, it will take my mind off things.<br />Im so sorry for making such poor decisions. I should have known better. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:muffinsprotege:1424 2009-05-10T18:33:08Z 2009-05-10T18:33:08Z Cardigans Ive been pretty much in the dumps lately...<br />Luckily i got to have a long talk to Shu yesterday and that felt so much better. I missed her so, so much.<br />Tomorrow i really have to get my act together and start my reaserch project. I dont know which of the themes to choose, though. Im interested in the dictators and guns, but i would like something related to Japan, so i will prolly request that. I should go to the library and spend half of day there, i just have so much to do, school projects too, i have to give in an essay on thursday. Its about an investigation, so its easy, but i have to finish it already....<br />Gosh, Gackt's new single covers are simply insane. I screamed when i saw them. To wake up to that, its something, haha. It looks like hes some Ayu impersonator. I guess the controversy of it will make the singles sell better. For sure its original...<br />Ive seen this guy today that used to stalk me some years back. he didnt recognize me luckily, but seeing him felt weird, i remember i had to tell him im leaving country to get him off my back. Well i did leave, but...<br />'nywayz, will go have some dinner. Not hungry at all, but i suspect i should. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:muffinsprotege:1251 2009-04-29T06:55:21Z 2009-04-29T06:55:21Z Blue Lagoon~ Gackt I cant believe i havent written in so long. Where is my promise? *smile* <br />I guess my thoughts were too much all over the place to even try and write them down. Ive had so many fights lately...thank God there is Gackt and Ayu, i dont know what i would do without their music and presence. Just to listen to my itouch, and it calms me down. I cant believe that, when Gackt was in my country, i had no idea about him. I mean, i knew, but i wasnt interested. I regret it now. I could have met him, for sure, with my type of part-time-job. I hope he wont retire next year...i just got into his music, so it would be pretty sad.<br />I need to get out of this city already, i need air!~~~i strongly feel there is something chocking me, constantly.<br />I should prolly go to school, today, and remember to renew my CC.<br />I have a casting for a big brother type show. I wonder if i should go, its not really my thing, but it would mean exposure. I guess we'll see. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:muffinsprotege:906 2009-04-04T13:08:38Z 2009-04-04T13:08:38Z Ayumi Hamasaki- Sparkle My flu got worse instead of getting better...and i have a show to do on thursday :(. Before (on wednesday)&nbsp; i have to get my lips done and thats gonna hurt like a bitch, only thinking of that pain plus the sore throat and crazy coughing. My mum keeps calling me, why does she care now, i dont know. I feel so out of it, like frozen. I wish i could talk to Seth, but i somehow end up talking with him only about things i dont really mean, when in my heart theres a total different story. How can you want to be so close and so far to a person, at the same time, beats me. He shouldnt be so nice to me, its not worth it. Or maybe im getting it all wrong, lol.<br />I hope my Next Level copy will be here next week sometime... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:muffinsprotege:676 2009-04-03T15:04:30Z 2009-04-03T15:04:30Z Ayumi Hamasaki- LOVE'n'HATE I wonder if posting in this will make me keep my thoughts together better..hmm. My thoughts being a mess lately, maybe i can organize them somehow. Well, i went shopping again for the first time since i moved here (again). I got Gaultier shoes and Juicy stuffs. Yay ^^. Too bad im sick, this needs to pass until monday...im fucked up if it doesnt...meh.<br />Shu where the hell are you?? Just email me already, i wanna know whats going on. I cant call you right now, because of my provider's problem. <br />Meh. Will go cook some pasta for dinner.